


it only hurts when i love you

by WattStalf



Series: my synthetic valentine [10]
Category: Fallout (Video Games)
Genre: Breathplay, Bruising, Choking, F/M, Masochism, PWP, Punching, Sadomasochism, Second Person, Slapping, x Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:55:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5555030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As your relationship with Nick progresses, you let him in on some of your darker fantasies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What started as a oneshot prompt on tumblr has evolved because my Toaster Love group kept giving me more ideas, so this story will have a few parts.  
> 

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, you pressed one of the bruises on your arm and hissed at the pain that caused. But then you blushed as you recalled how that bruise got their and the feelings that continued to stir up in you. The fact that it aroused you so much wouldn't be so unusual if the bruise had come from any sort of sexual situation, but it hadn't.

You and Nick had been fighting a group of raiders when he had grabbed you by your arm, pulling you of the way of a shot that would have injured you quite badly if he hadn't. He had been in such a hurry to move you that he had not thought about how forceful he was, and his hand had been wrapped so tightly around your arm that it had hurt.

In the moment, you hadn't really had a chance to reflect on how that made you feel, but once you were alone and noticed the bruises left behind, you were overcome by a sudden desire that you couldn't explain. All you could think was how strong he would have to be to do something like that, and thinking about that turned you on more than you could say.

It wasn't the first time you had found yourself excited by something like that, but you had always been able to suppress it. There had been times when you had allowed things to get a little bit rough with Nate, but it had never been anything extreme. Certainly never anything that involved bruising, but now Nick, someone you were very close to, someone you suspected might be interested in you, someone you knew you were interested in, had bruised you.

And what was more, he had bruised you just from grabbing you. The amount of strength that would take was a lot more than the average man, but he had never been the average man. Still, he had casually touched you many times before, and it had never hurt like that. From that, you could only assume that he was made with some serious strength that, when he thought about it, he could hold back, but in a high-pressure situation like that, he hadn't thought to.

You couldn't help but give a small shudder as you imagined what else he could do with strength like that. Not that you had any plans of pursuing something like that with him. If you did manage to be more open about your feelings, and if you were right about him returning them, you didn't want to risk that by letting him know just how strange your fantasies could get.

However, hiding your interest in the bruises was a lot harder than hiding the bruises themselves, and it was hard to go through a normal day with Nick when all you could think about was how strong he must be and how good that could feel, and a whole host of impure things. You couldn't pretend that you weren't at least curious, and you knew if you didn't say _something_ , it would drive you crazy.

“Hey, Nick, I was...wondering something,” you said. “About synths, I mean. You don't mind answering, do you?”

“Of course not,” he said, good natured as always, but also just a little bit confused by your sudden curiosity. “What was it?”

“Are you...stronger?” you asked, blushing almost immediately as you realized how stupid that sounded. “I mean, what's your strength like, in comparison to a human? Is it really enhanced or...”

“Well, I can't speak for the newer models, but most of the older ones were made for fighting like that,” he replied, not at all put off by your line of questioning. “Since I fall in between like this, I'm still pretty damn strong. I've gotten used to holding that back so I don't hurt anyone I don't want to, but when I need it, it sure does come in handy.”

Your face was so hot by now that you wondered if he could actually feel your embarrassment radiating off of you. And that wasn't the only place growing hot, which only furthered said embarrassment. You had been right about his strength, right about the fact that he typically suppressed it. His words about not hurting anyone  _when he didn't want to_ and it coming in handy  _when he needed it_ obviously referred to combat situations, but you couldn't help applying them to some very different ones.

“Are you alright?” he asked, and you realized that you hadn't said anything for quite some time. “Something bothering you?”

“N-no, not all,” you lied quickly, looking away. Now when you looked at him, you could only see his concerned face when he pulled you out of the way and you could still feel his hand clamped down tight enough to bruise you.

“Well, you seem off,” he replied, and you looked back at him to see those glowing yellow eyes you were always so captivated by scrutinizing you. He wasn't stupid; far from it, in fact, and you knew that he knew there was more going on that you weren't letting on to.

You tried to calm yourself down, to do anything to indicate that you were one hundred percent okay, but with him staring at you like that, things only got worse. Now all you could imagine was looking into those eyes while he hurt you, and intentionally. You couldn't hold back a small shudder at the thought.

Of course, he was watching you so intently that he caught that and gave you an inquisitive look. “Definitely off,” he said. “Now, are you gonna tell me what's wrong or are you gonna make me figure it out?”

“I told you, I'm fine.” Your voice wavered. You didn't think you could make the fact that you were lying more obvious if you tried, and you weren't trying, and you knew Nick well enough to know that he wasn't going to let that go.

“This is about our conversation, isn't it?” he asked, and you flinched. He'd hit that nail on the head pretty quick. “You're worried that I'm going to hurt you, is that it? You think I won't be able to control myself some time, you're afraid to take that kind of risk with me, right?”

It would have been so much easier for you to just agree with that and go along with things, but you couldn't bring yourself to. You knew that that would hurt him, and that wasn't something you were willing to do, even to protect your lie. Even if you risked revealing your secret, you wouldn't do anything to hurt him and so you said, “No, that isn't it. That isn't it at all...”

“Then what is it?” he asked. You shook your head, looking down. “Come on, why won't you tell me? If there's something bothering you, I need to know what it is. Is it something worse than that?”

“Yeah, a lot worse, but...probably not in the way you'd think.” You blushed despite yourself, and couldn't resist glancing at your arm, where the bruises he had left were hidden beneath your sleeve.

Nick caught you looking and, before you could stop him, grabbed your arm to pull up your sleeve. He let out a lot whistle when he saw the bruises and said, “So I already did hurt you, huh? Look, kid, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...” He trailed off, staring intently at your expression. “Wait a second...you're not upset that I hurt you, are you?”

When you did not say anything in response, too ashamed to speak, that clinched it. You heard him chuckle softly before saying, “So that's what this was all about. Why didn't you just say so?”

Your eyes widened, as you had expected him to be repulsed by your strange desires. But instead, he seemed more amused than anything else and you replied, “Because! It's not...normal. I mean, for me to like something like that, and besides, we aren't even...”

“Well, as for that last bit, I think we can change that,” he said, laying a hand on your arm, squeezing it just a little bit tighter than necessary. “And as for the first part...” Here, you saw his confidence falter a bit and some of his confusion seep through. “I won't pretend I understand exactly where that comes from but...you like what you like, right? And if that's what gets you going, I can definitely play along.”

In just a few short sentences, everything between the two of you had changed, and he had done it so casually that you wondered why it had taken you so long in the first place. After all, you had felt your feelings for him developing for a while and you had noticed enough signs to indicate they were returned before, but neither of you had tried to make a move. Now, suddenly, he had, and what was more, he knew about your darker desires and he encouraged them.

Before you could say anything on the subject, he pulled you in by your arm, crushing his lips against yours. You were surprised by how his kiss felt; a little bit rougher than you were used to, but otherwise not much different than a man, and there was nothing unpleasant about it. His grip on your arm tightened, pressing into your bruises and causes you to wince.

A heat flared between your legs at the same time, and your lips parted involuntarily as you moaned against his. He took that opportunity to turn the kiss more heated, and once again you were surprised by the difference and the familiarity in his kiss. Though his mouth was dry, which caused an odd sensation, it was also warm, much warmer than you had expected.

His other hand clamped down on your other arm, and you could feel his fingers digging into your flesh. You knew you would have a matching set of bruises and that idea excited you so much that the heat between your legs turned into a dull, throbbing ache. It was as if you were getting close just from him kissing you, just from him touching you like that, and you honestly wouldn't be surprised if you were. It had been a long time for you, after all.

With more force than you would have expected from him, still not used to the idea of someone actually giving you what you wanted, he shoved you against the nearest wall, kissing you roughly as he moved his hands up your arms. Each squeeze and each dig caused the throbbing to increase and you moaned into his mouth uncontrollably, burning in anticipation.

And then he reached your shoulders, digging in so hard that the pain was nearly blinding, and he pulled you from the wall ever so slightly just to shove you back against it again, knocking your head, and that was it. You were blinded by something entirely different as your pleasure came to a head and he pulled his mouth from yours just to fully appreciate the sound of your moans as you came from something so simple.

Your knees went weak, your body practically buzzing with your orgasm, and you realized that neither of you had even come close to really touching you. If it had only taken that to make you feel that amazing, you wondered just how great things could be as you continued. You collapsed into Nick's arms, spent, and he helped support you until you could regain your balance.

It had been a long day of trying to avoid the feelings he had stirred up in you, and then finally confronting them and having your fantasies realized, and you were tired. The next day, you would have a lot to talk about in terms of how your friendship had progressed beyond just that, but for now, Nick helped you to bed so that you could sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When you awoke the next morning, you were surprised, but not unpleasantly so, to find yourself in Nick's arms. He was awake, of course, not needing sleep, but that only made it more flattering to know that, at least for some part of the night, he had decided that just laying there and holding you was what he wanted to do. The fact was, there had always been more going on between the two of you than just friendship or even the odd sexual tension you had finally acted on.

“Good morning, doll,” he said, noticing you were awake. He smiled at you, and you felt your heartbeat accelerate.

“Good morning,” you mumbled in reply, made just a little bit shy by this turn of events.

“Last night sure was something, huh?” he asked, but he smirked in a way that told you it was a something he had enjoyed.

“It sure was...” You blushed, absentmindedly reaching a hand back to touch one of your shoulders. It still hurt quite a bit, and you hissed quietly, both from the pain and from the excitement is stirred up.

“I was just wondering how this...affects things. Between us, I mean,” said Nick. “I want you to know that I care about you a lot, and however you decide you want to do this is fine with me.”

“I care about you too,” you confessed. “I have for a long time, so if you want to...be together...” You cringed at how silly you felt that sounded, but his smile did not falter.

“I'd like that a lot,” he replied. “And don't think I didn't see you touching those bruises over there.” He placed a hand over top yours, pressing it down hard, causing a sharp pain that left you moaning.

“Looks like someone wants a little more, huh? Last night not enough for ya?” He pressed down again, smirking at the way you writhed under the touch. You could only offer him a pathetic nod and then he sat up, helping you up with him. He sat beside you, examining his handiwork from the night before, trailing his more robotic hand over your arm gently.

The metallic touch was cool, causing you to shiver a bit, but you didn't mind it. He pinched one of your bruises suddenly and you squeaked, the pain startling you. But he didn't let up, and your squeak faded into another moan. This hand hurt even more than the other, and the cold bite of the metal only added to that feeling, leaving you utterly breathless.

You squirmed, rubbing your thighs together to try and alleviate the ache that he had caused between your legs. Once again, you found yourself wanting him more than you could say while he teased you, caressing your bruises before pressing down on them or pinching them. It was impossible to resist slipping a hand between your legs, and he watched you intently as you did.

Your eyes locked and you saw a desire in his that aroused you just as much as the pain did. That look told you he wanted you just as desperately as you wanted him and that, though the concept might have confused him at first, he was more than happy to give you what it was you wanted as long as it made you this happy. In fact, it seemed that seeing how into it you were made him get into it himself.

“Nick,” you whimpered, rubbing your had between your legs and bucking your hips against your hand, “is it okay if I...?”

“Looks like you're already half way there,” he replied, laughing lightly. “Go on ahead, doll. If this really drives you that wild...”

You needed no further encouragement, slowly working a finger inside of yourself. A starved groan escaped your lips, and you jerked your hips involuntarily. Just as you did this, Nick dropped one of his hands to your thigh, digging his fingers in deep enough to cut your breath short. When he pulled his hand back, you could see the angry red marks that would soon turn to a dark purple, and you had another finger inside of you within seconds.

He repeated this on your other thigh, and then he had both hands doing this, going up and down your legs to add more bruises, but always returning to your thighs, so close that your breath caught in your throat every time. You wanted him to touch you, but you were unable to remove your own hand long enough to ask.

“Almost there,” he said, and it was a statement, not a question. And he was right, of course; you could feel your tension mounting, coiled and ready to release. You would not last much longer with the way he applied pressure to your legs, with the way more and more soon-to-be bruises appeared.

Yet your mind still wandered to more that you wanted, that even desired more after how much you already had. You could never have enough of this, and your fantasies had always extended much farther than just being squeezed enough to bruise. That was just the tip of the iceberg, and and you wanted to keep going deeper.

You looked to Nick with such desperate need in your eyes that he could tell from one glance that there was something more you wanted. “What is it?” he asked, resting one metallic finger under your chin, holding your face in place should you try to avoid eye contact.

“I..” You could barely speak now, your breath hitching as you fingered yourself and he continued to squeeze your leg with his other hand. “I want you to...” But your words failed you and you found that all you could do was take hold of his hand and pull it out from under your chin. You laid his hand against your cheek, hoping that he would understand your meaning.

He quirked a brow at you, perplexed, but he definitely seemed to understand. “Is that right?” he asked. His smirked returned and he lowered his hand, lifting the other one in its stead. “That one might sting too much, so we'll stick to this one for now.”

You nodded, holding your breath in anticipation. Even the thought of him doing something like that was nearly enough to do you in, and you knew that the real thing would send you over the edge for sure. Your fingers had ceased movement; you no longer needed any other form of stimulation.

His hand reared back and you watched, time seeming to slow down as it drew closer and closer to your face until it finally made conflict in a sharp slap that nearly sent your head snapping to the side. The fact that it didn't mean that he was still holding back, but it was more than enough. So much more than enough, and you cried out as ecstasy overtook you.

Blinded by pleasure, you felt yourself dissolve into the man beside you, allowing him to take you in his arms as your breath struggled to catch up with you. It was a long time before you could speak again, with your head resting on his shoulder while he held you and you rode out the final waves of pleasure.

“Was that better than before?” he asked, and you looked up at him and nodded.

“I've always...wanted something like that,” you replied.

“Well, now you have someone to do it with. Are there...any other things you've been wanting to try?” Again, you nodded, and he smiled. “I'd be happy to hear them. If you want to do more, just say the word.”

“Thank you,” you murmured, nuzzling his shoulder. And you meant it; you appreciated not only how understanding he was, but also how willing he was to try things for you. You couldn't help but look forward to what the two of you could do in the future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes breathplay, so yeah, that's a thing.

Once again, you were nervous. You knew that Nick had said he was willing to hear about anything you wanted to try, and you knew that it was highly unlikely he would judge you after coming this far, but you couldn't help but be just a little bit afraid. These were things you had never dared reveal to anyone in the past. Telling him about them required a trust you had never given before.

If anyone were worthy of it, though, it was Nick. He had been so kind and supportive from the beginning, and even more so since beginning your relationship. It made sense that he was the only one you had ever felt comfortable sharing any of this with, but it was still difficult to keep bringing new things to life. After all, you were asking this kind, supportive man that you trusted above all else to intentionally hurt you, to do something that he would never want to do on his own.

But, despite your nerves, you knew that he would be able to see through any attempts to hide anything, so it was better to just get it out in the open. You had nothing to be afraid of from him, no reason to keep things from him. When he was ready for more, you steeled yourself, reminding yourself that there was nothing to be afraid of.

“So, let's hear some more of these fantasies of yours,” he said, so enthusiastic you wanted once again to back down. It felt wrong, having him so eager to please you in such a way.

“I've always wanted...” You trailed off, words failing as always. How could you just come out and ask for something like that? “I don't really know how to tell you...”

“Can you show me again?” he asked. “Like you did when I...” It seemed that he was unable to say this out loud either.

You nodded, your hand shaking a bit with nerves as you slowly lifted it. Your hesitation lasted a moment before you finally wrapped your own hand around your throat and looked to Nick, waiting for his reaction. He wore an expression of surprise, but if there was any disgust there, you did not see it.

“So that's it, then? Not too bad,” he said, in a musing tone. “I think I can manage, but lemme ask you...do you have a preference?” He lifted both of his hands and your breath caught in your throat. You had not expected him to give you a choice in the matter, but you knew exactly what you preferred.

“This one,” you whispered, pointing to his metal, skeletal hand. He couldn't mask the look of surprise on his face, unaware of just how much you loved the nonhuman parts of him. You couldn't exactly explain why that was the case, but you figured it had something to do with those features being things you could only associate with him. That, or you were even more of a freak than you knew.

He nodded, slowly moving the preferred hand toward you, reaching your neck and closing the cold fingers around it ever so gently. The bite of the metal was enough to make you wince at first, but it was not enough to satisfy you. He hesitated for a moment that felt torturous enough to be a century, and then he began to squeeze your neck, still gently, but with a bit more force.

It was not enough to cut off your air flow just yet, but it was enough to cause a small bit of pain, and you were still able to moan. Nick took that as encouragement and tightened his grip, and breathing became more difficult. You were so aroused as this point that you doubted breathing would have been easy anyway, but you knew that his grip was the true source of the problem, which only fueled your desires even more.

“Am I doing this right?” His voice betrayed the air of confidence he'd been displaying, and once again you were reminded of the fact that he was doing all of this for you despite not really knowing how. He was learning as he went, which was no easy task, but he cared enough to go this far.

You nodded, and he smiled. Suddenly he tightened his grip again, sharper this time, and you gasped- or, you would have, but you couldn't. He was holding your neck so tightly now that you could not breathe at all, and the familiar throbbing of an impending orgasm started up between your legs. You would not last long under these conditions, but that was alright; it would feel so good in the end that time did not matter.

You stared at him and he stared back, and focusing on his bright eyes was all you could do as your head started to cloud from the lack of oxygen. You were growing dizzy, faint, but he did not let up just yet. Even when your vision started to go spotty, he did not let up, and soon you could only see the yellow glow through the fog that had set into your mind.

Just as you were about to black out completely, he released his hold and air flooded into your throat as you gasped. Your vision faded back in, your lungs burned, and your dizziness began to subside, slowly but surely. And you were already there, brought to orgasm just before the blackout that never was, and you let the pleasure wash over you now as you caught your breath.

But before you had even finished riding out your climax, Nick's other hand was between your legs, and he slid two fingers inside of you, just has he had watched you do before. A starved moan, your first noise since regaining your breath, escaped, and you could only grind against his touch, increasing the friction as your second orgasm mounted.

Just like with the way he held your throat, Nick did not let up in his fingering, even as you grew short of breath once again, and he didn't even have to say anything this time; you knew he knew that you were on the very edge. The fact that he wasn't asking how you liked things or if he was doing alright spoke volumes about how he had grown confident in this, that he knew he was good and that he knew what you wanted. It was that knowledge that did you in this time, and you tipped over that edge with a small gasp, still a little short of breath.

“There might be some bruises on your neck tomorrow,” he said, once you were done. “I hope you don't mind.”

“You know I don't,” you said in a weak voice with a tired smile.

“I know you don't. That's what started all of this, right? You loving how easy I can bruise you. Well, I'm glad it did.”

Like always, he held you close after, a reminder that this was more than just an affair based on pleasure from pain, that there was something bigger between the two of you. It was becoming all the more clear to you that you were in love with him, and you knew that soon, you would have to let him know. You only hoped that that would be easier than asking him to hurt you in new ways.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less smut, more other stuff this chapter, yay.

It felt like things only got easier from that point on, that the two of you fell more comfortably into the pattern of a relationship, as well as the pattern of your unusual arrangement. He didn't need to ask what you wanted as often, and you often only had to give him a look before he knew. There was less and less hesitation until it barely existed at all and you were no longer afraid of what he might think of you. You knew that your trust in him was well-founded.

Your activities with him became more frequent, to the point that the two of you could barely keep your hands off one another, though you wondered if he was only so eager because he wanted to please you. Not that that was any sort of problem, because either way, he seemed happy doing whatever you did, and every night, he would approach you like clockwork and you'd be at it again.

That was where you found yourself that night, pinned down on your bed, his weight restraining you. He held both of your hands above your head, hard enough to bruise your wrists just the way you liked, trailing kisses down you neck, shoulders, collarbone. You writhed beneath him, whimpering for more.

He released his hold on one of your wrists and you started to whine, missing the pain, but the sound was cut off as his palm made contact with your cheek, and this time your head did snap to the side, because he was learning not to hold back as much with you. You were tough, after all. You had handled much worse and you could handle this.

Your face stung and you arched your back, grinding against him as your pleasure and desire nearly drove you insane. His hand came back around, this time backhanding you across the other cheek, sending your head to the other side, and again, you could hardly contain yourself.

“You really do love that,” he said, already knowing that he was right. The smirk he wore only drove you even more crazy; you adored the casual confidence he carried himself with, the confidence that had slowly reemerged as he grew more used to this. “You want more?”

“Oh yeah,” you cried, shameless and desperate. “Hit me again!” He did, and you cried out for it again, and he once again complied, the process repeating until you suddenly shouted, “Now hit me for real, punch me!”

Nick's hand fell and his grip on your other wrist loosened, and he looked down at you with a look that you had not seen from him once during your relationship. His eyes were wide, his mouth was completely devoid of any sort of smile, and he rose up off of you slowly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Your heart stopped as it registered exactly what you had said, and how he was taking it.

“Nick, I...” You trailed off, not knowing what to tell him. How easy it would be to tell him you didn't mean it, but you did and he would know it. And how could you even begin to explain demanding something that intense from him? You hadn't even meant to take things that far with him, you had known there was a chance he would take issue with that, but in the heat of the moment, it had just slipped out.

“Why that?” he asked, after letting the uncomfortable silence hang between the two of you for a while. You sat up beside him on the bed, but neither of you looked at each other and you did not have an answer to his question. Again, you fell into silence, and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“I'm sorry,” you finally said, but it was still not an answer and it still did not help things in the slightest. You tried again with, “I don't know why I...I didn't want to ask for that...”

“But you did want it,” he replied, and he did not ask because he did not need to. “You do want me to...do something like that.”

“But I was never going to ask you to!” you insisted. “I knew that that one was too far, and I wouldn't have...”

“I don't want to hurt you,” he said, and you looked up at him in surprise, thinking that it had all been a lie, that he had hated this from the beginning. But he shook his head, saying, “I don't mean it like that. I mean I don't want to hurt you in a way you can't handle. You're tough as nails, the toughest dame in the Commonwealth, and I wouldn't have you any other way, but punching and slapping are pretty damn different, and I can control how I squeeze your neck easy.”

“Can't you pull your punches?” you asked, before you could stop yourself.

“I don't know. I've never had to, and I know if I couldn't, I could do some real damage, the kind you might not recover from as easily.” He shook his head, then finally turned to look at you. “I care a lot about you.”

“I love you,” you said, because it seemed like the right thing to say. You had let him in on something that was more of a secret, something that you had not wanted him to know. If you could tell him that, you had to tell him the truth of your feelings that you had been trying to muster up the courage to admit.

Of course, you said it so out of the blue that Nick stared at you for a moment, as if he could not believe what he heard, and you wondered if it had been a mistake to say that just now, or if it would have been a mistake no matter when you told him. But then he pulled you into his arms and held you like that for a while before saying, “You know I love you too, doll. That's the only reason why this is so hard for me.”

“You can just forget about it. I didn't ever plan on doing that with you,” you said fervently, wishing for all of this to be over.

“But if it's something you want, then I don't want to forget about it,” he replied. “I just don't know if it's something I _can_ do, but if it's what you want...even if I don't understand it, I want to help you. That's how it's always been. This isn't really different, just a little bit more.”

“I just don't want to make you do anything that'll make you unhappy,” you said quietly, looking up at him so that he could see how sincere you were being. He looked back at you with the expression he wore whenever he was pondering something, and did not speak for a while.

“Tell you what,” he finally said. “Let me practice a little bit on my own, see what I can do. And if I feel like I'd be able to do that without breaking your jaw, then I'd be more than willing to try it. Just give me a little time to figure it out, okay?”

You nodded, overjoyed. Once again, Nick was willing to do whatever it took to please you, even when you had insisted that it wasn't necessary. Just the fact that he was willing to work on it was enough for you; even if he found that it wasn't something he felt safe doing with you, it was more than enough to know that he was willing to practice for your benefit.

Though you couldn't deny that you hoped things worked out in your favor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO IS READY TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE YEAH ME TOO WOOHOO  
> anyway this is the last chapter

For a few days after that, you and Nick did your best to return to normal. Neither of you mentioned the agreement, and you fell into the same comfortable pattern of before, allowing him to do everything else he had been okay with. There was no mention of your request or his progress on the matter, and though you were nervous, wondering what the final verdict would be, you kept this to yourself and somehow managed to remain patient.

This was made a bit easier by the new development in your relationship. Since confessing your love to him, the affection you shared became even more natural, and you knew that you could be happy with him even with just that. Things were better than they had ever been, and you had just begun to tell convince yourself that it was fine if he never brought it up again when he did.

“You remember what we talked about a few nights ago, right?” he asked, without elaborating. You didn't need him to and you nodded. “Well, I did keep my promise to practice things.”

When you realized that you were holding your breath in anticipation, you let it out; you told yourself that if his answer was no, it didn't matter. Everything was already so great, something like that could never ruin it. But you still had to clench your fists to keep from shaking as you said, “Yeah?”

“And I think I can do it without hurting you,” he said, and immediately your heart sped up in excitement. “I should be able to control the amount of force in it and hold back enough to not hurt you more than you wanna be hurt. But...I still might hurt you pretty bad if I mess up. Are you sure you want to try this?”

“I trust you,” you replied. “If you say you can do it, you can, and I want this so much. I trust you enough to do it.” You stared at him with sincerity because you did trust him. That was what all of this had always been about; you trusting him enough to let him in, let him see what you needed, trusting him enough to give it to you, and trusting him enough to not take it too far.

“As long as you're sure about this.” He gave a few moment's pause, giving you one last chance to back out of this, but you remained firm in your stance. When he was sure that you were not going to say anything more, he was upon you, pinning you to the bed just as he had done before. His hands dug into your wrists, still sore and bruised from the last time, and trailed kisses and bites down your neck.

You cried out for more, grinding up against him with your back arched, but he pulled away from you, teasing you. When you whined, he only chuckled, not delivering just yet; there was much more to be done before he would give it all to you. One of his hands left your wrists and was around your throat before you could react.

Already, his grip was tightening, just slow enough to allow you to drink in the sensation of him cutting off your breathing. He squeezed your throat and you watched him smile down at you until your vision blurred, until the pain of being squeezed did not register in the fog, and then he released his grip suddenly.

He did not give you the chance to catch your breath completely before he brought his hand down across your face in a sharp slap and your orgasm hit you then, taking away what little breath you had managed to regain. But, though you came, it was nowhere near over yet and you knew that.

This time, he allowed you to breathe and allowed you to ride out the waves of your pleasure before he backhanded you. He brought his hand back and forth, snapping your head from side to side with the sting of his slaps, until you were on the edge again, begging him for more though you could barely even speak coherently.

“Hit me again,” you begged, but you meant for just a little bit more this time. You were ready, and you saw him form a fist, drawing his arm back. He was ready now too, and you braced yourself for the blow.

He brought his fist down, and though you knew it was not slowly, it felt that way as it came down, and finally made contact with your cheek. Had he not holding you down so well under his weight, the force of the hit would have knocked you entirely to the side, but as things were, only your head and neck were affected.

Your head was sent to the side with so much more force than a slap had ever managed, and there was no sting this time. The blunt, heavy pain of metal knuckles beneath artificial skin made your entire jaw go hot and you let out a choked scream. It _hurt_ , and it hurt a hell of a lot worse than anything else he had ever done to you.

Your face throbbing and your scream faded into a moan that bordered on obscene because it hurt so damn much and that felt so damn good, and if there were words to describe your ensuing climax, you did not yet know them. Never, not even with all you and Nick had done, had you felt something so blindingly intense, and you were lost in the mixed sensation of the throbbing between your legs and the throbbing in your jaw, one full of pleasure and one full of pain, things that you knew you would always want to mix this way.

You did not even notice him move from on top of you, so caught up were in your orgasm, and it was not until you began to come down from it that you realized he was holding you now, propped up against the wall behind the bed with you in his arms. You laid your head back on his shoulder to look up at him as you quietly murmured, “Thank you so much.”

He tightened his hold on you, giving you a quick hug. “You're welcome, doll. I'm glad that was how you wanted it.”

“I really appreciate you putting so much thought into that,” you said. “I mean...you didn't have to practice like you did or anything. You could have just said no and been done with it, and you could have just told me I was fucked for wanting that, or any of this. But you've been so giving about everything...”

“You know that's cos I love you,” he replied. “If it makes you happy, it makes me happy. You know I can't do...much in that department, and that's never bothered me, but when I started having feelings for you, I was worried that I wouldn't be enough for you. I was surprised by your interests, and I did think they were a little...out there, but more than that, I was happy that I had some way to please you. That's what I was willing to put my all into it.”

“I love you too, Nick,” you said happily. “More than anything, you've been so great from the beginning. Even without all of this, you would still be more than enough for me, you know?”

“I know that now,” said Nick with a laugh, “but it's still nice to have something special I can give to you.” You didn't reply to that, but instead snuggled up closer to him as the two of you sat in silence.

You would always enjoy the quiet times just as much as you enjoyed everything else.


End file.
